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Monday, November 30, 2009

MooPig Human Resources Update: Freedom of Speech

Cussing at Work

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore,a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

[please scroll down..... ]

Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing..

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

Number 5
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with....
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: Take this f___ing job and shove it.

Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

Practice these new phrases with proper inflections, in front of your mirrors at home, or to each other while at your coffee clatches, or smoking areas. Good Luck, wid' it.

Thank You,
Human Resources, MooPig Enterprises, Internetional

From the Field

Date: Thu, 19 Nov 2009 22:14:08 -0600
Subject: FW: Three Ways To Fail A Drunk Test
Thread-Topic: Three Ways To Fail A Drunk Test


X-OriginalArrivalTime: 20 Nov 2009 04:07:45.0546 (UTC)

NEW REality Shows for 2010

Got Pigeons?
by Pat Darnell and MoPigeon

Starring Louie the Pool Boy -- and the Cougar, Lucille ...

It is still THE United STATES of America

In November, our president promised he was not going after our
Second Amendment rights
email Capture by MooPig and Snuffy Smith

Date: Friday, August 21, 2009, 2:58 PM
This was just sent to me. Obama and his band of theives have been quiet.....this is why.

(Just checked this with Snopes -- it's TRUE -- also there you'll find an interesting story about who Blair Holt is (was) )
HR45 Gun Owners Watch Out

Concerning the Blair-Holt proposed legislation: Senate Bill SB-2099 will require us to put on our 2009 1040 federal tax form all guns that you have or own. It may require fingerprints and a tax of $50 per gun.

In November, our president promised he was not going after our Second Amendment rights. This bill was introduced on Feb. 24. This bill will become public knowledge 30 days after it is voted into law. This is
an amendment to the Internal Revenue Act of 1986. This means that the Finance Committee can pass this without the Senate voting on it at all.

The full text of the proposed amendment is on the U.S. Senate homepage,

You can find the bill by doing a search by the bill number, SB-2099.

You know who to call; I strongly suggest you do. Please send a copy of this e-mail to every gun owner you know.

Congress is now starting on the firearms confiscation bill. If it passes, gun owners will become criminals if you don't fully comply. It has started.

Very Important for you to be aware of a new bill HR 45 introduced into the House. This is the Blair Holt Firearm Licensing & Record of Sale Act of 2009.

Even gun shop owners didn't know about this because the government is trying to fly it under the radar.

To find out about this - go to any government website and type in HR 45 or Google HR 45 Blair Holt Firearm Licensing  Record of Sales Act of 2009. You will get all the information.

Basically this would make it illegal to own a firearm - any rifle with a clip or ANY pistol unless:
 It is registered
 -You are fingerprinted
 -You supply a current Driver's License
 -You supply yourSocial Security #
 -You will submit to a physical mental evaluation at any time of their choosing
 -Each update change or ownership through private or public sale must be reported and costs $25
 - Failure to do so you automatically lose the right to own a firearm and are subject up to a year in jail
 -There is a child provision clause on page 16 section 305 stating a child-access provision. Gun must be locked and inaccessible to any child under 18.

They would have the right to come and inspect that you are storing your gun safely away from accessibility to children and fine is punishable for up to 5 yrs. in prison.

If you think this is a joke - go to the website and take your pick of many options to read this. It is long and lengthy. But, more and more people are becoming aware of this. Pass the word along. Any hunters in your family pass this along.

This is just a "termite" approach to complete confiscation of guns and disarming of our society to the point we have no defense - chip away a little here and there until the goal is accomplished before anyone realizes it.

This is one to act on whether you own a gun or not. If you take my gun, only the criminal will have one to use against me. HR 45 only makes me/us less safe.

Please.. copy and send this out to EVERYONE in the USA , whether you support the Right to Bear Arms or not. YOUR rights are next. Government is taking away our right to choose, as well as the right to defend
ourselves from intruders.

MooPig "Canada Correspondent" Guy Visconti Checks In --

Picking off the Taliban
Subject: Snipers

You hunters will especially appreciate the skill and technology here!

Canadian Snipers in Afghanistan . They never saw it coming!
Canadian Snipers wiping out Taliban Snipers in Afghanistan .
These video shots are not made through the shooter's telescopic sight.
They are made looking through the spotter's scope. The spotter lies right next to the sniper and helps the sniper find and home in on the target.
The sniper is using a 50 calibre rifle. A 50 cal. round is about 7-8 inches long and the casing is about an inch in diameter. The bullet itself is one-half inch in diameter and roughly 4 inches long.
-(o o)-
Pay close attention to the beginning of the video. A Taliban sniper is laying on top of the peak in front of you.. When you hear the shot fired, watch what happens.
The sniper is hitting an enemy soldier at a range of 2,310 meters (7565ft/1.43 miles), the longest recorded and confirmed sniper shot in history. The previous record of 2,250 meters (7369ft/1.4 miles) was set by US Marine sniper Carlos Hathcock in Vietnam in 1967, The Canadian sniper was at an altitude of 8,599 feet and the target, across a valley was at 9,000 feet.

Canadian sniper units often operated in support of US infantry units, which were grateful for their help. The record lasted only one day, until a second Canadian sniper hit an enemy soldier at 2,400 meters(7860ft/1.48 miles).
The Canadian snipers fire special 50-calibre McMillan tactical rifles, which are bolt-action weapons with five-round magazines.

2374K Download  [unfortunately this link is not working properly]

Try Googling "Picking off the Taliban" or this SOURCE

MooPig Movie Reviews: Nippon Cinema

A group of children are trained to be assassins known as “Demon Spies” deep in the mountains of feudal Japan. Their identities remain secret and they’re subjected to fatal tests to prove their skills. Eventually a group of five are sent on a deadly mission to discover and destroy a secret arsenal while Lord Shogen, the Demon Hunter attempts to destroy them. (Credit to

BUT FIRST -- This Teaser:

Left-overs Anyone?

Urban Dictionary to patdarnell
4:00 AM (20 hours ago)

November 29: Thanksgiving Beard

An unintentional beard started over the 4 day Thanksgiving weekend, where you're too lazy to shave it off monday morning. Usually continues until Christmas or New Year's Day.

Also known as a Holiday Beard

Boss: You look like you haven't shaved in days. That's unprofessional.
Employee: Sir, that's my Thanksgiving beard. It's my way of honoring our forefathers.
Boss: Oh, I didn't realize that. Maybe I'll grow one too.

MooPig Joins Math Quiz by "The Universe of Discourse"

Fri, 22 May 2009 | The Universe of Discourse

A child is bitten by a dog every 0.07 seconds...
I read in the newspaper today that letter carriers were bitten by dogs 3,000 times last year. Curiously, this is not a round number; it is exact. The article then continued: "children ... are 900 times more likely to be bitten than letter carriers."

This is obviously nonsense, because suppose the post office employs half a million letter carriers. The actual number is actually about half that, but we are doing a back-of-the-envelope estimate of plausibility. Then the bite rate is six bites per thousand letter carriers per year, and if children are 900 times more likely to be bitten, they are getting bitten at a rate of 5,400 bites per thousand children per year, or 5.4 bites per child. Insert your own joke here, or use the prefabricated joke framework in the title of this article.

I wrote to the reporter, who attributed the claim to the Postal Bulletin 22258 of 7 May 2009. It does indeed appear there. I am trying to track down the ultimate source, but I suspect I will not get any farther. I have discovered that the "900 times" figure appears in the Post Office's annual announcements of Dog Bite Prevention Month as far back as 2004, but not as far back as 2002.

Meantime, what are the correct numbers?

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have a superb on-line database of injury data. It immediately delivers the correct numbers for dog bite rate among children:
[For Example excerpt provided here:]
Age | Number of injuries | Population | Rate per 100,000
0  |   2,302   |  4,257,020  |  54.08
1 7,100 4,182,171 169.77
2 10,049 4,110,458 244.47
3 10,355 4,111,354 251.86
4 9,920 4,063,122 244.15
5 7,915 4,031,709 196.32
6 8,829 4,089,126 215.91
7 6,404 3,935,663 162.72
8 8,464 3,891,755 217.48
9 8,090 3,901,375 207.36
10 7,388 3,927,298 188.11
11 6,501 4,010,171 162.11
12 7,640 4,074,587 187.49
13 5,876 4,108,962 142.99
14 4,720 4,193,291 112.56
15 5,477 4,264,883 128.42
16 4,379 4,334,265 101.03
17 4,459 4,414,523 101.01
Total 133,560   |  82,361,752   |  162.16

According to the USPS 2008 Annual Report, in 2008 the USPS employed 211,661 city delivery carriers and 68,900 full-time rural delivery carriers, a total of 280,561. Since these 280,561 carriers received 3,000 dog bites, the rate per 100,000 carriers per year is 1069.29 bites.

So the correct statistic is not that children are 900 times more likely than carriers to be bitten, but rather that carriers are 6.6 times as likely as children to be bitten, 5.6 times if you consider only children under 13. Incidentally, your toddler's chance of being bitten in the course of a year is only about a quarter of a percent, ceteris paribus.

Where did 900 come from? I have no idea.

There are 293 times as many children as there are letter carriers, and they received a total of 44.5 times as many bites. The "900" figure is all over the Internet, despite being utterly wrong. Even with extensive searching, I was not able to find this factoid in the brochures or reports of any other reputable organization, including the American Veterinary Medical Association, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, or the Humane Society of the Uniited States. It appears to be the invention of the USPS.

Also in the same newspaper, the new Indian restaurant on Baltimore avenue was advertising that they "specialize in vegetarian and non-vegetarian food". It's just a cornucopia of stupidity today, isn't it?

(Universe of Discourse, the. 22.May.2009. Article Links and words, Retrieved entirely from source today by Pat Darnell for the purpose of celebrating plausibility and the number 900)

Pit Bull Attacks | "Occur when pets lack PACK STRUCTURE"
Pit Bulls and Rots account for 67% of fatal dog attacks ...

Oh, No; here we go again... 67% of what? [the END ??]

Sunday, November 29, 2009

MooPig Movie Reviews: Part ONE Schindlers List

WORD :: "email" -- the word has a History .... or not
Retrieved by Pat Darnell and Geneva 'Dotty' Kom

During the Movie we spotted a word that must precede its modern appearance by 30 years or more: "EMAIL" is part of the word Emailwarenfabrik.

MooPigsters ask: "Is there a connection?"

Avenue of the Righteous Among the Nations, Yad Vashem, Jerusalem

Next to an old trade route, the settlement of Moravská Chrastová was founded after 1200 by monks from a monastery in Litomyšl. It is first mentioned in a document from 1323.

The first written mention of Brněnec is to be found in the 1557 act of partition of the dominion of Swojanow. In 1892, workers carrying out improvements to the Bělá nad Svitavou road stumbled upon the remnants of prehistoric clay jars in the vicinity of the Nová Amerika ("New America") inn, one kilometre west of Brněnec. Systematic excavation on this site in 1893 unearthed further archaeological finds. A neighbouring hillside of crevices and caves, known as Jeskyně Čertovy, had already yielded traces of earlier settlements.

With the construction of the railway from Prague to Brno, Brněnec received its own railway station on this main line. This encouraged numerous new industrial enterprises such as textile factories to develop around the dominant business of the Daubek mills.

'Emalia' and 'Emailwarenfabrik' translate as Enamelware... spelled the latter in the movie.
In 1930, the municipality of Brněnec (including the then districts of Zářečí nad Svitavou, now part of the municipality of Březová nad Svitavou, and Podlesí counted 606 inhabitants, of whom 208 held German nationality. In 1939, as a result of German occupation and the ensuing retreat of Czech inhabitants, the total population had dropped to 490.
The municipality extended at that time only to the Bohemian right bank of the river Svitava. On the opposite Moravian bank was the independent village of Moravská Chrastová, which, together with its districts of Chrastová Lhota and Půlpecen (now part of the municipality of Chrastavec), had a total population in 1939 of 1,143 inhabitants and was therefore twice the size of Brněnec.
The town of Brněnec formed part of the administrative and judiciary region of Politschka. After the annexation of the Sudetenland by Germany, it was integrated into the county of Zwittau.

In 1944, Oskar Schindler relocated his Deutsche Emailwarenfabrik (German Enamelware Factory), and the associated prison camp of 1,200 Jewish forced labourers, from Kraków to a munitions factory acquired by him in Brněnec. The Jewish workforce thus escaped transport to the extermination camps and was liberated on the 10 May 1945.

CO2 :: On Notice !!

MooPig Correspondent from Springfield Ozarks Checks In
By Pribek and the Curmudgeons of Memphis

Those of you on the gravy train will be notified in due time for your contributions.... sign us up Pribek.





Steorn’s Orbo: Proof that science does not have all the answers
February 12th, 2009 | Category: OverwhelmingEvidence, Science Last year the leading ID research site blogged about an exciting new technology called Orbo – from a little known Irish company called Steorn. This tiny company had earned the wrath of the entire materialist community by proposing something which was “impossible”: A compact, environmentally-friendly machine capable of producing free rotational energy despite lacking any source of fuel or power.





Decide for yourself... it's all good.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Crib Recall

Drop Side Cribs
Retrieved by Pat Darnell and Brothel Furniture Dusters Guild

Baby Crib Recall -- Very Tragic -- Millions of Cribs Recalled

HERE, on the other hand, are CRIBS that will also follow the way of RECALL -- Sadam Hussein STYLE, that is... Relics of Broken Unions ...!!

CRIB RIDDLE for YOU --[SOURCE] Tell me who:
He is President to the world’s most impoverished nation.

He has more of what you are about to see spread across the nation.

His country faces an alarming 165,000% rate of inflation.

His country’s central bank has introduce a new $50,000,000 note.

He heads a country whose poverty line is well over 80%

He is power hungry just like other presidents we have come to know in the near past, December 07 to be precise ??

OOOH YES!!! U guessed it right………It belongs to His Excellency President Robert Mugabe, of Zimbabwe, my new inspiration in home design!

Friday, November 27, 2009

Black Friday, as if ... Prices Slashed ... CHASE your dreams CARD ... Embryos, Priceless !!

During the Toronto's annual Royal Agricultural Winter Fair, a three year old cow was sold at auction for a record setting $1.2 million! This enormous sum has made the cow bred in P.E.I. and previously owned by Alberta's Morsan Farms the world’s most expensive cow ...

Missy Moo Million Dollar Cow, 1 Chinese yuan U.S. dollar = 0.146473 U.S. Dollars, Currency Conversion -- "Please also mention a column for the date so as to enable one to know the exchange rate as on any particular date." -- Sonia John

The million dollar cow named Missy, is apparently a genetic goldmine and according to Bloyce Thompson, who bred her, “She sold with contracts for embryos and calves and sons so there will be a great impact in world genetics with Missy in a lot of years to come”. The buyers will thus have right to her embryos and the “priceless” cow could have as many as 75 youngsters over the course of her life. Missy has been sold to two buyers from the U.S. and Denmark who will have right over her embryos. Missy however won’t leave Canada and will remain in Ponoka, Alta., where she's been for nearly two years... [SOURCE]

Stores Might be willing to Open at 4AM  : and Close at 3 AM, BFads Info from MooPig
by Pat Darnell and Fashionistas of Lubbock

Neiman Marcus 2009 Christmas Catalogue toned down in view of economic climate

Luxury retailers were some of the hardest hit by the recession this year. Keeping in mind the reduction in sales and the slide in demand for luxury goods, well known luxury retailer Neiman Marcus unveiled a luxury “lite” Christmas catalogue this year. The Christmas Book which is known to feature some of the most opulent and luxurious items has been toned down this year keeping in mind the current market situation. The most expensive item in the 2009 catalogue is a $250,000 Icon A5 sports plane followed y a $105,000 Jaguar and a $73,000 Mission One electric motorcycle- called the world's fastest electric sports bike.
There is also a cup cake shaped car in the catalogue for a mere $25,000. For art lovers there is the $8,500 artwork whose focal point is a preserved African Flower Beetle signed by artist Mike Libby.
For the intellectuals, Neiman even offers to arrange a private dinner party with some of the world's sharpest minds Henry Louis Gates Jr., Christopher Buckley and George Stephanopoulos... for $200,000 at New York City's Algonquin Hotel.
Compared to the earlier years, this catalogue is definitely more modest. Even holiday "hot toys" are skewed toward price tags under $100, in line with consumers' frugality.
In fact, more than 40 percent of the retailer's roughly 400 holiday items are under $250! This catalogue clearly shows that the market is far from recovered from the harsh economic climate.


You might also like:
Limited edition Jaguar 2010 XJL sedan launched in Neiman ...
Neiman Marcus Inc. reports second consecutive quarterly loss
Very Gold Christmas Crackers from Harrods adds bling to the ...
Newly designed 9.5-foot Swarovski Star for 2009 Rockefeller ...
No Job; No Christmas Cash; No Credit??? Sell your Cow to a Canadian!

Everything listed below, just last week, was priced between $7000 and $9800. Moopig's Black Friday Watch Department has learned prices dropped 75% over nite. Look again for prices at $2310 to $3234 ...

With a closet of feminine, pretty pieces, you're ready to steal the leading role.
The feminine-ista. Downtown girl. The "it" girl. Something she'd say? "Can you hold my clutch for a second?"

Independent, trendsetting, and free-spirited. For you, fashion is all about having fun.

The bon vivant. The girl next door. Something she'd say? "If it isn't fun, forget it."

Always pulled together with a strong, well-edited fashion sense and a weakness for the new wave of American designers.

Old Hollywood. Vintage vixen. Something she'd say? "I know what I want when I see it."

You know how to appreciate the creature comforts like soft silhouettes luxurious fabrics.

The natural beauty. Something she'd say? "Form follows function."

Inspired by ladylike, iconic styles of decades past, but unafraid to put your own modern twist on it.

The overachiever. The multitasker. Abidingly stylish.
Something she'd say? "I expect perfection."

With an eye on the runway, you want the newest trends. You're willing to take a risk and always add your own interpretation.

The drama major. Fearless. Something she'd say? "I don't do casual Fridays."

Italian designers, red-soled shoes, and logo-engraved everything! Luxury fashion is your hearts content.

The fashion addict. The collector. The Milanophile. Something she'd say?
"I live every week like it's fashion week."

They call it Hot-lanta for a reason; the weather's warm but the fashion  social scenes are what really heat it up.

It's a city with a definite history of revolution that lives on in its polished fashion sense that refuses to follow the status quo.

With "chic" actually in its name, it's no surprise that this city knows how to dress its miles magnificently.

A little bit country, a little bit rock 'n' roll — Dallas is perfectly poised between urban-chic and its cowboy roots.

Diversity and a high-octane spirit propel the fashion sense of the Energy Capital of the World.

An eye-catching mix of glitz and glamour make it our first resort.

If it's the City of Angels, why's it so easy to find mischief? LA fashion always captures that untamed, fun-loving spirit.

Year-round warmth and a dizzying mélange of old, new and sizzling

New York, Chicago, home and heart to millions of style conscious inhabitants ... proving if you can make it in America's first second city of fashion, you've essentially conquered the world...

Constant reinvention and a love for the new make the Valley of the Sun a rising metropolitan star.

From Nob Hill to the Golden Gate, this city puts the polish on California cool.

Find the groups that best suit you — Start exploring now

Surrounded by a lush natural landscape, the Emerald City boasts style as innovative as its technologies.

Fashion~Radarista, see something different, that sets the whole world on its ear.

Along with our usual Holiday Fare of hard to find products, we will be offering once again full cheese jacket of Greenbay Packers unliscensed gigaws.

Blog Archive

SUNDAY :: bishop FM 105.9 Auckland


Gary Grainger LIVE BluesShow from Auckland, 6 to 8PM LondonTime .... you listen too.


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Ask Someone Who Cares -- SUCH AS SUCH MULCH

To report any abusive, obscene, defamatory, racist,
homophobic or threatening comments, or anything that may violate any applicable laws, please click
--ask_someone_who cares -- ASWC to report with pertinent details.

Anyone posting such material will be immediately mesquitte blackened over a very hot pit fire down at C and J's BBQ on Harvey-Elmo-Weedon Road, and permanently removed from all servers, its IP
owner will be locked in a small room with back issues of
The ECONOMIST, and one scratchy re-mix 8-track tape of Steely Dan's first album...
IP addresses might be recorded to aid us in enforcing these conditions, that is if we cared.

A Fantastically Flawed Script for a Jazz Rock Opera -- "GAZA"

A Fantastically Flawed Script for a Jazz Rock Opera -- "GAZA"
GAZA by Pat Darnell for the Age of Attritionally Challenged

Email MooPigster Customers' Alert
If you receive this post via email, you notice it is mostly 'blank'.
We at MooPig Surmise, that at this point, one either says:
"WOW, I'm off the hook, and don't have to pay any attention to that pesky MooPig STUFF!!"
-- OR --
"Hey, where is it ...?"
The answer is: "IT IS A youTUBE presentation"... and you will now click on the http above to go see this modern miracle of technology.

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MPW Unique Value Proposition, UVP
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MooPig Wisdom is online to provide spring board for writers.
MooPig is the Writers' Writer that encourages voice, content, and style. PD

Bill Gaines said it

Bill Gaines said it
"My staff and contributors create the magazine," declared Gaines. "What I create is the atmosphere."